her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
