i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
