you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
