It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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