I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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