im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
