you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
