Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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