Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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