all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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