remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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