the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
