I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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