Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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