i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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