I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
