her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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