there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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