walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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