Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The ass gains better be worth it
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