Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.