so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise