Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize