your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.