what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
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I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
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Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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