Swine flu. Run for my life!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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