grandma shit on top of the toilet
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
