Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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