Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
