just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
