3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
