People with herpes should wear stickers.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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