oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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