I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
