I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
