I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
