Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
