I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
