I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
