Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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