I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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