I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
