there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
