He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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