I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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