i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
