Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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