so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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