I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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