i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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