M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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