If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
and you said cock pushups were impossible
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains