We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
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true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.