Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."