I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it