I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.