6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit