oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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