i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
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He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.