The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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