She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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