It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
