My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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