i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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