too bad you live with your parents still
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
