I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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