I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
