I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
