So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
