I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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