i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
