i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
