i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
