you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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