between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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