She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
