For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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