considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we're making bets on your personal life
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
