NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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