im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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