You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
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we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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