I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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