If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
