im about as happy as oj after his trial
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize