A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
