Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
