Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
