My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
