LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
